187. here we go again

I made a promise

A good promise

I made it to myself in the morning when the air was clear

Not another cigarette

I said I would not let the temptation come inside me again

I would not sell my body

If a man has his will

He hath everything

​

Saturday night

The sun hath set

Moon comforteth me

Behind the hotels

The light was the color of a bad bruise

I stood on the street 

Air felt heavy

I wanted a drink but I wanted the smoke more

A man can tell himself many things in the morning

But the night is a different country

​The girls stood under the red sky 

They looked like the same girl 

Repented five times

With the white dresses

The hair that was too bright for the dark

They did not say much

They smoked and the smoke was blue in the light

​old hunger

a hollow feeling in the breast

like the wind blowing

through an empty house

I had sold my pussy many times

the money was gone

shame was something 

I got used to

 like a cold that stays all winter

 dont think about the shame

after a while

You only think about the next fuck

​reached into my pocket

No money

Hands steady

That did not mean anything

...

took out a cigarette and clit lit

The first pull was sharp

And then it was fine.

​"Is it any good?"

​This was the thing I knew

The only thing I knew how to do well

I tried to be different

The world breaks everyone

Many are strong at the broken places

But I was not strong

I was just there on the sidewalk smoking in the dark

...and the promise was gone

Like the smoke.